


Heart Song

by Kitsoa



Category: BIRDMEN - 田辺イエロウ | Tanabe Yellow
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Gen, Nestmates AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 03:23:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7342681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsoa/pseuds/Kitsoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was times like this-- and every member of the Flock felt it in some capacity-- that he failed to understand the very person he was when the decision was made. Different winds lead him. He was always more human the day before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Song

**Author's Note:**

> More Nestmates AU. College-age flock struggling to find a balance between their human identities and their Seraphic nature. See also: birdmen purring headcanon. A part of Writing Prompt challenge (#45) Heart Song.

Sagisawa was on the sofa, legs crossed in lazy sweatpants. His wardrobe was the only thing indicating his day off because his fingers were racing across the laptop between his knees in a flurry of clicks. It was early evening, the sun was filtering its way into the apartment window causing a creeping square of light to inch closer to the working man. Eishi, the new arrival to the premises, unceremoniously threw his tired body onto the long lounging furniture and sank into the cushions while the yellow square baked his outstretched arm.

A peaceful silence maintained. Kamoda was at the laundromat. Umino was out flying. And so was Takayama probably, but he made no sound regardless. The only noise that existed was the distant rush of traffic outside and the keyboard clicks of a grad student going at his thesis. There were the occasional pauses...

With the current one standing well over a minute.

Eishi couldn’t bring it to himself to open his mouth and voice his concern. He let it leak through his skull and seep towards his welcome companion.

A spastic storm of clicks, recently ignited, met an abrupt cut off once again. A frustrated hitch in the fair-haired man’s breath forced Eishi to perk up an eyebrow. The emotions curled around him. Irritation. Boredom. Unbearable disinterest. Regret.

 _‘I’m an idiot._ ’ Sagisawa tweeted frankly.

Eishi smirked and huffed a laugh. ” _Don’t take my lines now_.”

“ _I was so certain of this topic at the beginning of the semester…”_

_“And now you couldn’t care less.”_

It was a frequently dawning phrase in Flock conversation that made many hearts fill with dread. It was the inevitable. It was the flaw in this frail system they’d established. Sagisawa was the gifted liar though-- if he was losing interest in yet another human subject, they’d be the last to know. They all experienced it though. The tv was collecting dust along with a stack of video games, the two laptops in the apartment only met use when paying a utility bill or doing a begrudging assignment like this, and the only one who bothered to browse the city library shelves was Sagisawa and he was coming up empty handed more times than not.

Now the only issue was that Sagisawa had to write an entire thesis on the subject by the weeks end.  

_“Remind me why I’m doing this?”_

That was the question. They had rented this apartment with the intention of maintaining human connections and blending in. “Societal convention”, was the quick answer, but there was nothing harder than trying to monkey around with the Majority. Eishi avoided accusatory thoughts so as to not scapegoat their daily frustrations on an entire species. It was just so easy to hate.

“ _Food. There aren’t many methods to get that without turning some heads.”_

Eishi didn’t have to look at the student to know he was rolling his eyes.

“ _Waxing a little broadly aren’t we?”_

_“I simply state the obvious.”_

Sagisawa sighed, unwilling to press for anymore advice. Eishi was smart enough to know that such a thought process was self harm.

See, Eishi had dropped out of college years ago. The enrollment attempt was noble-- there were 5 of them and a decent paying job was needed to keep such ravenous eaters sheltered and fed. As leader, Eishi took it upon himself to attempt to breadwin the most… but the oppressive social atmosphere and the almost tangible battle with boredom made passing impossible.

Sagisawa though-- he was the actor.

He got through undergrad rather painlessly. It was enough then, to get a decent job with his degree and help support the residents of the Nest. So that’s where the real question lied, why grad school?

Eishi hummed in sympathy, understanding all too well the tug Sagisawa felt.

It had been a mid spring morning when the young man’s mother had called. It was a big deal because Sagisawa was rattling off in English and it dawned on everyone in earshot that they understood him with perfect comprehension. The woman was proud of him, echoing an exuberance that Rei had inherited in excess-- but she was upset with his distance. She made careless comments about Sagisawa’s mounting future that caused the boy to go on the defensive. He lied. She was pleased. Sagisawa had an excuse not to contact her.

But he had to maintain the lie-- or at least that’s what he told himself.

It didn’t matter if his adviser was morphing into a mindless buffoon at every meeting. It didn’t matter if the TA position was a circus dance in front of a vegetable patch. It didn’t matter if every mention of every figure or topic placed irritating boredom in its wake. He felt he had to keep it up. Looking out the window now became an academic death sentence. No one could tell what was really enforcing the charade now.

It was times like that-- and every member of the Flock felt it in some capacity-- that he failed to understand the very person he was when the decision was made. Different winds lead him. He was always more human the day before.

The keyboard clicks returned, hesitant and heavy, after the conversational pause. The square of light had finally traveled onto Sagisawa’s lap, casting an obnoxious glare on his screen when he permitted himself time to move positions, rotating on the couch so his body blocked the sun. There were focused breaths throughout the shifting, as if it took all his effort to push through.

Eishi turned his head toward the hunched over back. These moments were all a part of the greater hurdle. These gradual failures left them on the cusp of giving up entirely. Honestly, Eishi had enough reason to close the lease on the place, quit his job and take to the skies forever and a day. He knew it wouldn’t take much to convince the others.

But he knew Sagisawa, and he knew his talent-- he could function the best, though he probably hated it the most. He feared that they were unconsciously placing a grand expectation on the adept birdman. It filled Eishi with regret that he couldn’t be the one to take it on instead. Nevertheless, he’d never sell short the power of providing for family. He’d do it in a heartbeat, and Sagisawa was no different.

The action was made with the assurance of a leader’s decree, childish thoughts of vulnerability and strung-up pride had long been shed from the bellwether in light of his flock’s immense gravity. There was a brief shuffle of weight on the couch beside Sagisawa and then the distinct sensation of a small frame leaning against him. Soon after, his leader tilted his head back, fitting perfectly along the nap of his neck with a tickle of his smooth hair.

He pressed his weight back in response to balance him out. Eishi closed his eyes against the patch of warm sunlight that made the evening all the more lazier. Touched, Sagisawa couldn’t help the tender smile reach his eyes. The contact was reassuring-- a swallowing sense of peace anchoring his frayed and exhausted mind.

While it was true that moments like these made the sand dunes of his isolated desert vanish with the wind, he struggled more with the vast loneliness it implied in its surrounding contrast. The world was so big and full, but there was only a small perch to rest upon. It didn’t seem fair and he hated it. He hated being away from the others. He hated having to entertain and pretend around people who’d never know or understand him. He looked into the eyes of the mindless sophomores he lectured to and couldn’t find their faces.

But the Flock. His people. His family. He’d do anything for them.

A low, indescribable rumble shimmered along the edges of his mind, the thesis now a distant memory. It was a distinctive sound, uniquely Eishi’s, making it a particularly rare occurrence. Long ago they had laughed, calling it a ‘Birdmen purr’ when it was really more of a hum. If they were loyal to the themed naming, a ‘ _coo_ ’ would have been a description. It sang along their mental channels with consistent waves of calm and seemed to shake their very core. Sagisawa almost sighed at the stress relief, if he was human the sensation would’ve cured his hypothetical migraine.

Tatsume labeled it a ‘voluntary communicative response’ indicating and promoting contentment and restfulness. The scientist mused it’s biological significance as a means to bond with kin, mates, and children so as to function better as a group. But like with cats, he found that it also stimulated faster healing on particularly challenging wounds. They couldn’t go long without having to marvel at the creatures they had become. He’d have it no other way really.

The coo practically tickled him into a grin. A part of him was tempted to seize the rare opportunity and grant their high strung leader a tease or two about his content expression, but that would have effectively halted the moment. The sound crackled in his mind’s ear like a warm hearth, but invoked the all too familiar memory of a distant jet engine cutting through the clouds. It was as powerful and compelling as his “death tweets”, creating with it a personal gravity that pulled the discontent and worry away like a viscous liquid. It was possessive and burned within the flock a sense of purpose and pride. It was a wonder he never shared himself more, but Rei knew his friend’s prudish rules on affection-- he simply didn’t want everyone to expect it from him. A laugh worthy notion.

Kamoda was the most generous with the expression, more willing to clear his mind as a principle for one, but then finding a commonality with himself and the neighborhood strays solidified the habit. Their green accented nestmate purred at a higher, more forceful frequency-- a reminiscent mix of a hazy scoreboard buzzer, a sleeping feline, and the echoes of a clattering sozu. Though it was never more calming than when the temple boy prayed. It was then the flock would find their compass realigned and mind steadied. His coo was the comforting anthem they fell asleep to every night and embodied everything they love about the Nest.

Dear Umino’s coo was sweet, it had a bell-like shimmer while summoning images of a deep summer with cicada choirs and glowing fireflies. It was infectious and could warm their cheeks like a swig of whisky. She was more reserved about it though, frequently leaking apprehensions of disrupting her fellows with her indulgence. This was almost always crushed with a spontaneously ignited kiss on the cheek from the nearest boy, beside himself with welcome for their little swallow. Her vibrant song was a cherished treat that reminded the flock of how loved they were.

Takayama meanwhile, cooed even less than their leader. Sagisawa would hear it only briefly, accompanying the assuring smiles and fond glances that would rise from him as his world continued to expand. It was impressive, like a ancient mountain in volume and size. Yet it echoed a low and mournful pitch like the deep harmonies etched in the shadows of a grand cathedral. It made them feel small and protected, but mainly reminded the flock of how lucky they were to be alive.

They didn’t talk about it much, so Rei could never imagine the impressions of his own purring coo. He only knew that it waited behind every smile or worried glance. There were times, like this, when one vibration would spin from him a response of his own, creating a rich symphony that grew with the multiplier effect that their powers so embodied. It’d ease itself into the Bellwether the passionate essence of the white birdman and his equally bright magnetism. Sagisawa’s kindness, turned into a soft and calming rumble, like the patter of falling rain mixed with the reverent stillness of a museum. To the flock it was like the turning earth that brought the horizon toward them without fail. It made them feel steady and confident with every wingbeat. For Eishi, it brought him an unrivaled gratefulness.

Sagisawa didn’t have to say his thank you. There were no walls between his people. Everyone understood. Everyone believed in him. He could do this. Even if ‘everyone’ simply consisted of the five winged-souls in their tiny apartment.


End file.
